The Dark Side of Good Vibes: Understanding Toxic Positivity

In a world where mantras like “good vibes only” and “just stay positive” are plastered across Instagram feeds and coffee mugs, it’s easy to believe that positivity is the ultimate cure-all. But when positivity becomes a demand rather than a choice, it stops being helpful and starts being harmful. Enter: toxic positivity.

What Is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity is the overgeneralisation of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. It’s the belief that, regardless of how dire or difficult a situation may be, people should maintain a positive mindset. On the surface, that might sound motivating. But in practice, it can lead to the dismissal of genuine emotions and invalidate real human experiences.

It sounds like:

   •   “Everything happens for a reason.”

   •   “At least it’s not worse.”

   •   “Just be grateful.”

   •   “Don’t be so negative.”

   •   “Other people have it worse.”

Instead of creating space for healing or connection, these phrases often shut the door on emotional honesty.

Why Is It Harmful?

Toxic positivity can:

   •   Shame people for having real emotions. Telling someone to “look on the bright side” when they’re grieving doesn’t help; it makes them feel guilty for not bouncing back fast enough.

   •   Prevent emotional processing. Ignoring or minimising tough feelings doesn’t make them disappear. In fact, suppressing emotions can lead to anxiety, depression, and emotional burnout.

   •   Create isolation. If someone feels like they have to fake happiness to be accepted, they’re less likely to reach out when they truly need support.

The Difference Between Healthy Positivity and Toxic Positivity

Healthy Positivity	Toxic Positivity
“This is hard, but I believe I can get through it.”	“Just think positive thoughts!”
“It’s okay to feel upset. You’re not alone.”	“You shouldn’t feel that way.”
“Let’s talk about what’s going on.”	“Don’t dwell on it.”
Validates emotions and finds hope	Avoids emotions and demands cheerfulness

So what should you say?

Instead of shutting down someone’s feelings, try:

   •   “That sounds really hard. I’m here for you.”

   •   “You don’t have to pretend everything’s okay.”

   •   “It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling.”

   •   “Want to talk about it or just have someone sit with you?”

Supporting someone through pain doesn’t mean solving their problems or painting over them with glitter. Sometimes, just being there is the most positive thing you can do.

Final Thoughts

Optimism has its place, but not at the expense of authenticity. True emotional well-being comes from allowing the full spectrum of feelings to exist without judgment. So the next time you’re tempted to slap a smiley face on a hard moment, pause. Hold space. Listen. And remember: it’s okay to not be okay.

That’s not negativity. That’s being human.